bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
