we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
