He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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