I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
