I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
