Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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