dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
