So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
