so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
