Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
