Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
