sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
