I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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