Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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