hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
