I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
