I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
