i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
