Cold hands, warm shart.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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