i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
