It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
