I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Randomize
