All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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