happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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