I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
