I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
