Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
