I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
