I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
