My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
