If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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