i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
