I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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