now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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