I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
