1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
