"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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