Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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