$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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