what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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