I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
