Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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