1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
