thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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