Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
