I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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