My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
