I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
