Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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