I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
