No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
