I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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