OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
