And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
